Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Reminder of Reality

We seem to go through phases around here. There are times when we are sheltered and are able to only see Joe's progress and put out of our minds how far behind he really is. I think that those times are good for me. Its much easier to just enjoy Joe for who he is and to focus on the good when we're not thinking about the rest.
And then there are times... when the huge gap between what Joe can do and what he "should" be doing is glaring me right in the face. This is one of those times. Since we are nearing Joe's third birthday we have recently begun the process of transitioning Joe from First Steps therapy to the school system therapy. Included in that process is a folder full of paperwork with lots and lots of questions about his development and abilities, etc. I know myself well enough that I asked Isaac to fill out those forms because it would have strongly effected my state of mind. I'd have spent days dwelling on the contents and all the boxes that I would have had to check "unable to do". Part of me felt bad for passing the buck on to Isaac, it effects him too. But I think he is better at keeping himself balanced than I am. I am pregnant for goodness sake!
In addition to the school transition stuff we also had Joe's annual First Steps evaluation. A team of two therapists (not his usual ones) came out and asked questions and observed and challenged Joe to see what he could and could not do. Lovely ladies and very nice but I don't think I'll ever really be comfortable under that kind of scrutiny. Every time we go through one of these evals is a reminder of all the work and challenges that Joe has ahead of him, that we have ahead of us. And since we still do not have a definitive diagnosis we do not really have a clear idea of what to expect in the years to come.
But no matter what, Joe is our beautiful son and I know that. As always your prayers are coveted.


Megan Paschal said...

Oh Lawanna, I am so thankful for you and your honesty. I can very much relate to your post, and want you to know that I am here with you and this journey. I just melt each time I see Joe, you must know that. He is so precious, and I am thankful for him as well. You are a precious friend.

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

Oh I am soooo sorry!!! This must be so painful for all of you. We so desperately want our children not to suffer. I am praying right now for you and your family.

Thankfully, Joe has you and his Dad in his corner!!! That is the most important thing a child can have. :)

Forgetfulone said...

I know it's difficult to have "strangers" evaluating your son, and that it affects you when there are things he can't do, just remember that those people aren't judging you, they are just trying to help decide how best to help your little man, and he IS making progress. Big hugs!