I have given more thought to mental health in recent years. Not only have my inlaws been in the mental health profession, but there have been times when friends and family members dealing with deep seeded issues that have brought up questions about mental health. And there have been circumstances in my own life that have caused me to ask questions of myself as well.
I appreciate authors and bloggers who open up and share about their struggles with mental health issues. Little Miss Momma shares about something that she has dealt with since she was a child. The Militant Baker opens up about living with Borderline Personality Disorder.
If you are a believer you should seek out a counselor who has a similar belief system as you. Many secular views may conflict with those values that you hold dear. Focus on the Family has some tips on selecting a Christian counselor. Broken Believers helps us understand why we should educate ourselves about Christian counseling.
Joe was the first to go back to school. While we had a pretty good summer I think it was a little underwhelming for Joe. I could tell he was really excited to go back to school. And frankly, I was excited too. He is a lot to handle 24/7. Its nice to have a break from him during the day so the rest of us can get some things done uninterrupted. We are thankful to have the same life skills teacher as Joe had last year. We are looking forward continued progress toward Joe's goals throughout this school year.
Christine returned to developmental preschool a couple days after Joe. Its nice that she has the same teacher and therapists that Joe had in devprek. I'd be a lot more uneasy if it wasn't for the familiar faces. Christine is doing well in her class. Although she definitely seems ready to see me when she gets home. This is the first time we've had her ride the bus. Its a little bittersweet for me... she's my baby!
Nate and I have taken advantage of a little time alone with a few fun outings to kick off the school year. We have started to make a tradition of going shopping to pick out a "back to school outfit". Its a stereotypical thing to do for most kids... except that he's homeschooled... and we're going to Goodwill. ;-) We've tackled Chuck-E-Cheese, gone hiking at the 100 Acres nature park at the IMA, the library, and had a lunch playdate at the park with some friends.
For me there are mixed feelings about getting back into the routine of the school year. While there are a certain amount of freedom available in summer that we'll miss there is also a bit of comfort in the routine that we will soon settle into. We were pretty relaxed this summer, lots of late breakfasts and lazy days around the house... getting up and moving bright and early is proving to be a challenge for me. I'm going to have to start adjusting my bedtime.
On the upside, I'm hoping the time alone with Nate will allow us to do some fun things together and tackle our new curriculum. Nate can be tricky sometimes. While he is very intelligent, he flip flops between being frustrated at something being too easy and then being frustrated when something is even a little challenging. He is very critical of himself and gets down if he struggles with learning or remembering anything. Which makes things hard on both of us at times. One of many things we will be working on together this year.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine
own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, And he shall
direct thy paths.
I have had the same half dozen things at the top of my To Do List for weeks... maybe more like months.
I guess I should explain a little bit. When my husband worked for his parents' business he had a little more freedom and he was able to take care of most of the insurance and medical paperwork and phone calls, etc. Well, since he has been at his current job for the past year he does not have the same flexibility he had before. So, those responsibilities have fallen to me. I'll admit something to you all. I have not risen to the occasion... I have cowered.
As some of you may know dealing with Medicaid and Insurance and the medical community is not always sunshine and roses. Often there is a lot of jumping through hoops and filing lots of paperwork and making lots of tedious phone calls to people who claim to know what they're talking about and are supposed to be there to help you but seem to be as tired and frustrated and ignorant as I do. Some days I have felt crippled by the anxiety about the impending phone calls and necessary hoops I will inevitably be jumping through. Taking care of this paperwork and faxing it to this person, who will send it to so-and-so who will be calling me back with questions... its mentally and emotionally exhausting just thinking about it.
So I kept put things off. Among other things, several phone calls needed to be made to get Christine scheduled for outpatient therapy since she aged out of First Steps and cannot continue to get therapy through them. But I've been frustrated and disappointed and disrespected so many times that I just did not want to deal with it. I didn't want another person to treat me like I'm stupid, or tell me that this service or that service is not covered. I just feel like those phone calls suck the life out of me. It puts me in a bad place emotionally. Frankly, it often puts me in pit of depression that it takes days (or weeks) to work my way out of.
At some point I finally accepted that I could not put these off any longer. But I knew I needed a plan to take care of the phone calls without them getting the best of me. So I came up with a few things to help me do my best.
- Prioritize -
I sat down and figured out which items on my list were most important. There were a couple that I was able to rule out as unnecessary or at least something that legitimately could be put off for a later date. The ones that needed to be addressed right away I moved to the top of the list.
- Get Organized -
I created a list of the phone numbers that I would be needing to call so that I could tackle them all at once instead of having to scramble to find this number or that one in between each phone call.
- Write It Down -
One of the things that I was afraid of was not knowing what to say or forgetting something that I meant to ask, etc. So I wrote down a series of questions that I needed answered.
- Get and Early Start -
There were many days when I would try to get up the nerve to tackle my call list all day and finally feel ready to do it late in the afternoon when it was really too late to accomplish the task since business hours often end between 4 and 5pm. Then that would give me another reason to put it off.
- Occupy the Kids -
When you have kids its often difficult to carry on a serious conversation while they are tugging at your legs or trying to get you to do this or that for them. So, be proactive and find something to entertain your children for awhile so that you can make your phone calls uninterrupted. I found that the best way for me to accomplish this was to put Joe and Christine down for naps and let Nate have some tablet time. Ah... silence. ;-)
- Rely on God -
While we should always do our best at whatever we do, we should find a balance and also realize that He is taking care of every detail. Whatever our prayer is God has an answer. Sometimes it may be "no", but if that is the case then its because He has something else (usually better) in mind for us. Take a deep breath and know that our lives are in the hands of the One True God. It is so freeing when we rest in that knowledge.
I know there is no perfect formula and every situation is different. But I hope that these suggestions will help you tackle whatever it is that you're putting off. Because the fear of something is almost always worse than the thing itself.
Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.- Proverbs 12:25
Just a couple of weeks ago I had Joe's IEP meeting with his teachers and therapists. I remember how scary the first one was. I stressed a lot leading up to it, then I cried during and afterward... Each time it gets less and less overwhelming. One thing I have appreciated is that he has had the same PT and OT since he started developmental preschool nearly three years ago. So they really understand how far he has come and they rejoice with us in his progress (both big and small). A newer therapist or teacher may not have the same appreciation for the work that he is doing if they hadn't seen where he started.
While progress for Joe is slow (sometimes painfully so) it is progress none the less and we are thankful for that. He is such a sweet boy and he is a blessing to those who know him. It warmed my heart to hear his teacher and therapists share little stories about things he has done at school. You can tell that they really care about him and want to help him be the best version of himself that he can. I am so thankful for all the special people that have been brought into our life to work along side us to help our kids become who God wants them to be.
Psalm 28:7 -The
LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am
helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.
Joe has been getting some really great reports from his teacher at school. She said he is using the walker independently in class. We are all making an effort to encourage Joe to be more independent and mobile.
Its difficult to do so when I am alone with the kids but anytime I have an extra adult with me we are challenging Joe to take steps either with his walker or while holding our hands.
Communication progress seems to be slow. But we are seeing some improvements here as well. Joe is using a few signs and also some augmentative communication devices to help him tell us what he needs/wants and we hope to be moving on to more advanced devices in the future.
Recently Joe has demonstrated the ability to climb onto Nate's bed (and subsequently pull the curtains down) and to take his shirt off (in the middle of a restaurant). Both great skills to have... just ones that need to be used with restraint that Joe does not yet possess. ;-)
We are proud of the work he is doing and we pray that God will continue to help Joe grow in strength and abilities throughout the coming year.
“Faith, mighty faith, the promise sees, And looks to God alone; Laughs at impossibilities,
And cries it shall be done.” ~ Charles Wesley
"May
your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the
most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds." - Edward Abbey
I wish I had more video for you but alas, I do not. Christine has been gaining in speed and strength since the last update. She is really getting the hang of the crawling thing. She has a little bounce in her step and sometimes she has a bit of a hop resembling Joe's but she is reciprocating her knees (which Joe has never done) most of the time.
While we are not getting actual words out of her, Christine is babbling a lot lately and making all sorts of sounds. She is very interactive and engaging.
Christine recently got new orthotics. The little ones on the left are the ones she was wearing before. As you can see, the new ones are much larger and more cumbersome. I wondered if they might slow her down but it seems I worried for nothing because Christine is still crawling all over the place. The purpose of the new braces is to keep her from back-kneeing while she is working on standing/walking. She is working hard with her PT and is taking some assisted steps. Hopefully the support of the new orthotics will help her to make some progress in this area. The worst part about these braces was finding shoes to fit over them! ;-) Thank goodness for resale shops!
She is for the most part a very happy girl. Though she is still proving
to be a very sympathetic soul and cries anytime anyone (mostly Joe) is
upset. I am hopeful that this behavior develops into a fine character trait someday... for now, its just rather exhausting.
For all the drama she creates, Christine is a joy to be around. She loves and is loved by everyone she is around. There is no better way to start your day than to see her smiling face.
"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6, NASB)
Christine continues to progress with her therapies. She is steadily getting closer to catching up with Joe developmentally. Some of the goals that they are currently working on are similar. Physical Therapy includes gross motor, balance, core strength, mobility, etc. Occupational Therapy works on feeding skills, fine and oral motor skills, grasping object permanence, balance and kind of whatever she feels like doing that day (you'd have to meet the OT, she's something!). Speech Therapy works on her communication skills, encouraging her to make sounds and signs, oral motor skills. Developmental Therapy overlaps some of the other therapies. The DT works a lot on fine motor skills, motor planning, etc.
The most exciting thing to happen lately is probably Christine getting the hang of crawling! It seemed like she was on the verge for quite awhile. She would get up on her hands and knees and rock back and forth, she would transition in and out of sitting, onto all fours... and then within the past three weeks or so she has really taken off! We're still getting used to keeping things out of her range now that she is mobile. Check out this video of Christine crawling!
She needs a little work on her "form" but its exciting to see her get around, its
gotten her much more interested in her surroundings now that she can
get from point A to point B on her own. She's so proud of herself and
so are we!
Joe and Christine saw ENT and genetic neurology last week at Riley. Both were 2+ hour visits with only seeing a doc a fraction of that time. I find it hypocritical that they can be over an hour late to my appointment with them but if we had been 15min late they would have rescheduled us. Anyhow... nothing new really come up at these appointments. The ENT visit was a pre-ABR appointment. Since Joe and Christine were homebirths we did not get their newborn hearing screen. Because they don't exactly respond appropriately its difficult to test their hearing. It looks like they both are going to need to be sedated for this upcoming hearing test (the ABR). That test will take place next week and will determine if either of them has any hearing impairments. Though their speech delays are probably not related to hearing loss it is simply something that they have to rule out.
The genetic neurologist gently told me to stop looking for a name for whatever is the cause of Joe and
Christine's delays. He says even if we find a name to put on it, it
won't change the treatment or outcome. While I understand what he is
saying, it is not what I wanted to hear. I was a mess the whole rest of
the day... maybe even a little still. I don't know how I am supposed
to be ok with all this. What am I supposed to do as a mom? Should I
run myself and my family ragged searching for a name or a fix that may
or may not be out there? Am I a bad mother if I do stop looking for
answers? Its all exhausting. I don't know what to do or think
sometimes.
Otherwise... we are seeing some progress with Joe's therapies lately. I had a great parent teacher meeting with his Life Skills Kindergarten teacher. He is walking at school in a Kidwalk without help and also in a posterior walker with some assistance (see video below). He is using some communication devices to make choices at school and at home. In the video above Joe is using a communication device to play Twister with the boys. Its very exciting!
I often have days when this life is overwhelming but somehow I manage to remind myself that God knows what He is doing. And someday He'll answer all my many questions. But today is not that day. So I try to keep moving forward the best I can and take things one day at a time.
Psalm 32:8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (NIV)
Well, we're finally ready for our school-year-end-review... Nate has been a good student throughout his first grade year. We enjoyed being a part of our homeschool group again this year. We had classes, field trips to a dairy farm, Indiana World War Memorial, and other fun activities. We are planning on continuing with the same group in the fall. We are eager to have some families that we know from church join the group as well as meet new friends too.
This boy amazes me with how much he absorbs! He excelled in nearly every subject this year. We did work in Bible, History, Science, Math, Writing, Reading, and He is voracious reader already. On top of his favorites like Magic Treehouse and ABC Mysteries, Nate has also been reading books from the Treasury of Illustrated Classics collection. They are adaptations but still big reads for a not yet seven year old. His favorite, that he has read three or four times now is Moby Dick. We love telling people that is his favorite book just to see their reaction! ;-)
All that said, Nate and I are both very much looking forward to a break from the regular school routine. Toward the end of the year we were both starting to get cranky about school. He had worked ahead in most subjects so I was trying to fill in where I could to keep us going through the end. It will be nice to get a couple months off and hopefully we will both be refreshed by the time we start in the fall.
Joe had a busy school year too. He has been working hard with PT, DT and Speech therapy. He continues to enjoy being a part of his class. This was his last year in developmental preschool. We met with his team of teachers and therapists around his birthday to discuss his IFSP and he will be moving on to a Life Skills kindergarten class in the fall. We met his new teacher and she said focuses a lot on communication which I am very excited about.
Joe is pretty limited in how much he can communicate with us right now. He is getting increasingly frustrated because he cannot tell us what he wants and needs and frankly, so am I. He resorts to screaming out of frustration and desperation a lot. It is exhausting for all of us. Here is hoping that we make some progress in this area soon. For my sanity's sake!
One big thing to happy lately is Joe recently was able to use a regular (non-toddler and non-handicap!) swing all by himself! I have attempted it before with him but he only managed to stay on for a minute or two before. This time he enjoyed swinging like a big boy for ten minutes or more before getting tired. This is very exciting for us because we have been limited to going to parks with handicap swings since Joe has outgrown the toddler ones. Very exciting progress!
Christine has been a busy girl the past week. She has been pulling up to tall knees (as you can see in the picture). But even bigger than that is the huge milestone of crawling! We have been ecstatic about this! Every chance we get we take turns coaxing Christine to come to us, whether its a few inches or a couple of feet we are all very excited to see this new step forward! Joe never has crawled (he went straight for hopping), so to see her properly go hand, hand, knee, knee and inch her way forward is very cool. As stressful as things have been around here for awhile it is refreshing to have something big to be excited about!
We have put together a Summer Bucket List that has lots of fun things for us to do both as a family and with friends: go to a free summer movie, write letters to family and friends, trip to the zoo, go to farmers' market, DIY Sidewalk Chalk Paint, watch the sky for cloud shapes, go to the aquatic center, roller skating, make splatter silhouette artwork, water balloon fight, craft camp, glow in the dark bubbles, etc...
As far as summer traveling... since Isaac recently started his new job we probably won't be taking any trips for awhile. But my inlaws made the big move and are living at their lakehouse full time now. So we plan on making the 3 hour trip up there a few times this summer for some lake fun.
And of course my baby sister is getting married in August and we are a DIY family so there will be lots to do in preparation for the big day. And my other two sisters are pregnant, due in September and October... so we are sure to have a full fall schedule as well!
He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame. - Proverbs 10:5
The last two weeks were chock full of doc's appointments for us. It began Wednesday the 16th with a swallowstudy for Christine. For the test Christine drank and ate food w/ die in it while getting
xrays to see where it was going (this is being done because she sometimes gets a
rattle in her throat after drinking). The initial findings were
somewhat as expected. They saw some small micro aspirations and
recommended thickening her liquids (which we have already been doing). I
was comfortable with those findings and was having a pretty good day
until the specialist called me later with some unexpected news. She
said she looked over the scans with her supervisor and they felt that
Christine is actually having trouble even with the thickened liquids and
they are recommending a g-tube. She called Christine's pediatrician
and who seemed to be less concerned than the specialist because
Christine has not had any respiratory problems and is growing fine (not
underweight). Isaac reassured me not to worry about it until we talk
with the pediatrician about it more (should do that by Friday at the
latest). But I was kind of freaking out a little bit. I feel like this
would be a big setback for Christine developmentally.
I saw Christine's primary physician on Friday (for Nate's well visit) and talked briefly about the swallowstudy
and Tuesday Christine saw a developmental pediatrician at Riley North. Thankfully, we're
all in agreement that because Christine has had no history of
respiratory infections, breathing trouble, or weight gain issues we are not going to pursue a
g-tube. The developmental ped said there are obviously risks either
way but that he saw no reason why we should not continue doing what we are
doing, just "proceed with caution". We'll keep an eye on her growth,
thicken her liquids and make sure she continues to eat well . Its
probable that with continued therapy to work on her oral motor skills she will out grow this. I am
relieved to say the least. We were previously using baby cereal but since the swallow study we have been using "Simply Thick" to thicken Christine's liquids. We have noticed a decrease in the frequency of her little throat rattle. And an increase in an effective cough reflex. We are pleased with these changes but will continue to monitor her feeding situation. Please continue to pray that this resolves
itself and does not become a bigger problem down the road.
Nate's well visit was uneventful (in a good way) compared to our other doctor's appointments. He went through the motions of the eye exam (he has 20/25 vision), physical exam, he demonstrated his strength (what boy doesn't like to show off his guns?) and told the doctor all about what he is learning in school, his hobbies, etc. As suspected, Nate is a pretty healthy, growing boy and there is nothing alarming or concerning going on with him. Thank God! I have enough going on with the other two to keep me busy!
Christine saw genetics at Riley on Friday the 25th. We waited 10-15minutes in the waiting room. Then a nurse took us back and weighed and measured Christine and showed us to an exam room. Another 10minutes go by. The intern comes in and asks the usual medical history, family history questions. She also does a physical exam of Christine. Then she goes out to "staff" with the geneticist. Another 20-30 minutes go by. The doctor comes in and asks some of the same questions that the intern already asked (did they even discuss Christine at all before he came in?). Then he proceeds to ask questions like: "So having two special needs kids, do you feel like its your fault?", "Do you feel guilty?", "Do you blame yourself?", etc... I was fine up until that point and I lost it. I was teary and sniffly the whole rest of the appointment. The doctor said that he is assuming since two of our three kids have a similar condition that its probably an autosomal recessive trait and Isaac and I must both be carriers of whatever it is. If that is in fact true then if we were to ever get pregnant again the baby would have a 1 in 4 chance of having the same thing that is causing Joe and Christine's delays. The doctor did not recommend doing the same blood tests that Joe has had done because he assumes they would come back with similarly unhelpful results. So, he and the genetics doc that Joe has seen in the past will be putting their heads together to assess what tests have already been done and seeing if there are any others that they recommend doing on the kids and/or Isaac and I to try to get some answers.
Last but not least, Joe saw a physiatrist on Tues the 29th. We have never been to this doctor before but she came highly recommended from one of our First Steps therapists. When we first got there we went through the motions of all the usual stuff: weighing, measuring, medical history, etc. Seeing as this was my fifth doctor's appointment in two weeks I kind of was on a roll. I was answering questions that the nurse nurse who was doing our intake hadn't even gotten around to asking yet. She stopped and asked me if I was in the medical field. HA! She said I sounded very knowledgeable and comfortable with medical terms that most parents are not familiar with. I told her I had been around and had had a lot of appointments lately. She said it is great that I am this involved. I thought it was part of the deal, I never thought about being any other way. Anyway, finally the doc came in. If the comments from the nurse had at all gone to my head the doc brought me right back to reality. She did a pretty thorough exam, she checked his range of motion, watched him hop around, watched him take a few steps with my help, got to hear him scream when he decided that he was done and wanted to go. She wants xrays of his hips because one side seems a little longer than the other. She said she might want another MRI, but not until she has seen the films from the last one (which was almost four years ago). She wants Joe to have a hearing test. And when we come back to see her later in the summer she wants to see Joe with all of his equipment, ie walkers, orthotics, etc.
Obviously we have a lot going on. Joe has two more appointments coming up in June in addition to the "homework" just given to us from these doc's appointments. And since Joe does not qualify for summer therapy services through the school he is going to be starting OT and Speech at a local pediatric rehabilitation center. We also just found out that one of Christine's First Steps therapists is changing jobs and we will be having to find a replacement for her. Our schedule just keeps getting busier and busier.
Please continue to pray for my children's development. We still sometimes pray for them to grow strong and catch up. But usually when we pray at bedtime Isaac will pray for "Joe to learn to walk and talk soon" and for "Christine to crawl and learn to talk". Our God is a big God and He works all things for His glory.
All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Christine has been quite a busy girl lately. She has been getting more and more active. She is eating like crazy, practically keeping up with her brothers who are both good eaters. She is handling more challenging foods like raw apples and pieces of meat that would have given her trouble only a couple of months ago. Also, she is very actively using a straw sippy cup now.
We've been working on teaching her to sign for awhile now. She's starting to show signs that she is making connections that she wasn't before. At first we noticed that Christine would get excited when she saw us sign like she recognized them and knew what they meant. Now she is signing "more" and "milk" at meal times. Its very exciting to see her trying to communicate with us!
Christine has been working really hard in her First Steps therapies. We had her annual re-evaluation last month and we changed her IFSP a little bit. While PT and OT will continue at 1hr weekly as before, her DT has been extended from 45min sessions to 1hr, and her Speech will be every week instead of 2x monthly. In PT she is working on transitioning from laying to sitting and pulling from sitting to standing (see how cute she is?!). OT is working on fine motor and feeding skills. DT is working fine motor and play skills. Speech is working on communication and play skills. As you can see there is a little overlap from therapy to therapy.
Recently we saw a local pediatrician about Christine's umbilical hernia. She has had it since birth and it has gotten a lot smaller over time but has not completely closed and we wanted to get it checked out and see if it required surgery. Well, the doc said that it is actually very small and does not need surgical attention at this time (or probably ever). He said it might be something we can revisit later if we feel that she's getting teased when she starts school or something like that. But since we are planning on homeschooling it doesn't really pose a problem at all right now. We are obviously relieved to know that there is no reason to be concerned about it. One less thing to worry about is a good thing!
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. - Psalm 127:3-5
Today we had Joe's kindergarten conference with his IEP team: teachers, therapists, school staff, etc.
These things are always difficult for me. No one likes to be reminded that their almost five year old is developmentally 6-12mos old. So much of it feels like its reminding us of all the things that Joe cannot do. But I really felt that his teachers and therapists care about him and did what they could to emphasize his strengths and the progress he has made.
We are planning on having Joe join the Life Skills Kindergarten class. There will be a big focus on communication and learning independence through skills like dressing and feeding himself, things like that. He will be attending full day, except for days when he has outside therapy appointments.
I am nervous but excited about this next phase. In his short life Joe has found innumerable ways to push me outside of my comfort zone. Life is not how I imagined it would be ten years ago. Or even five years ago. But in some ways it is exactly what I thought it would be. I have three beautiful kids and a loving husband, and that is something that I have always wanted. Just some things are different than expected. And that is God's plan. We take things one day at a time. Some days are good and some are a challenge from beginning to end. But every day God is with us helping us through whatever comes along.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.Ephesians 2:10
