Saturday, December 21, 2013

Being Mom...

In case you haven't noticed... I have not been blogging much in the past few months. I just haven't felt like I had anything worth sharing.  I've been in a bit of a mental/emotional slump.  I look at my life, my daily activities, and wonder: "Is this it?".  I truly believe that my value is not in what I do but in Who made me.  I am a daughter of God and that is something that I cling to on the really hard days.  But sometimes its hard to see past all the diapers and dirty laundry and cooking meals that get complained about and half of it ends up on the floor...  sometimes I need reminded that what I am doing is important, that it matters. 

“They don’t see you stand in the bathroom and gather your resolve every morning. They don’t see those of you who mother alone without much support. They don’t see the trips to the car back and forth and back and forth. They don’t see you counting to ten a dozen times before noon. They don’t see you look at the bank account and sigh and try to figure out how to make three meals with what’s left in your pantry. They don’t see you walking into the principals office, doctor’s office, friend’s house and defending your child.

They don’t see bandages placed on knees. Kisses on foreheads at night. Pillows pushed just the right way and blankets tucked to the perfect demands. Laundry folded and folded and folded. Tears that sting your eyes as your keep going. Dinners prepped over the stove. Times of laughter over silly things. Hair brushed and pulled back into pony tails. Prayers over wandering teens. Prayers over little babes. Nights spent sleeping in a chair holding a sick child. Days where the house is a wreck but you’re reading books. The brave smile on your face when you’re weary.

Those things matter.”

Our church always does a program called "Bring Your Gifts to Jesus" every year around Christmas-time.  Its always said that it is not meant to be a talent show or pageant, but a forum for sharing the gifts that God has given us and give those gifts back to Him.  But for someone who doesn't sing, dance or play an instrument it can be discouraging sometimes.  Frankly, seeing all those talents can often remind someone of their lack of talent. 

But if you really think about it, does Jesus put value in "talents" over gifts of service?  I think not.  There are so many gifts given every day by people who love Jesus and love His children that cannot be performed on a stage.  So, this year I requested that a video be played to represent all of the gifts that moms and caregivers give on a daily basis.

3 Queens from Matt Bieler on Vimeo.

That video moves me to tears every time I watch it.  Its beautiful.  If truth be told, when you're in the midst of the diapers and sick kids and doctor visits and sticky floors... it doesn't always feel beautiful.  But God sees it that way.  He knows how hard we work just to keep going.  He knows that we struggle with being satisfied with being "just a mom".  He knows that its a choice we made because we felt it was the best thing for our kids, that we could be working in a "real job" with deadlines and coffee breaks and peer validation.  So while right now the rewards might be few (hugs and kisses), someday we will have treasure waiting for us in heaven. 

"As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem." -  Isaiah 66:13

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -  Matthew 6:19-21

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Lawana!

I just wanted to say thank you for posting this! My son was born just before Thanksgiving and after spending the last month and a half sitting on the couch nursing a newborn, I can totally relate to the "Is this it?" feeling. I also wanted to tell you how much your blog has meant to me the last several years. I stumbled across it when I was in college (before it's been awhile!) and have been soaking up your wise words ever since. You've shown me that it is possible to be a stay at home, homeschool mom, but only by relying fully on God's strength and by surrounding yourself with good friends. I am so excited to begin this journey of stay-at-home motherhood and thankful for the influence you've had on me through your writing. Have a great day and keep up the good work!

Love, Elise (Knapp) Phillips