Body Image and Boudoir

 “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience 


Last spring, I stumbled upon a Groupon for a mini boudoir session.  At the time I thought I bought it on an impulse.  But not really... back when we had cable I used to watch this show on Lifetime called How to Look Good Naked.  It actually was more about embracing your body the way it is and learning to feel good about yourself.  They take everyday women with average beautiful (but flawed) bodies and help them out of the "why bother" rut and teach them to dress to compliment their figures.  And they ended the episode with a photoshoot.  Naked.  Ah!  Seems crazy, right?  Or is it?

I know I am not alone in not always feeling beautiful.  Most women I know struggle with this at some time or another.  Many authors and bloggers have tackled this subject including: Cecily's Facing my Reflection  and Kjersten's Mirror Mirror OFF the Wall. We all have been bombarded by what the media presents as beautiful and sexy and frankly most of us do not fit into the tiny box they've created.  Human beings are diverse and unique and our culture's definition of beauty is not. 

Aside from my internal struggle to be content with the way I appear on the outside... there is also my husband to consider.  He is happy with how I look.  But he also is surrounded by the world's version of beauty and it can be a distraction to him as well.  Some people may ask the question:  Should Christians do Boudior? Boudoir can be a blessing in a marriage. The article Christians and Boudoir says this:
So, why do boudoir? I once heard a pastor refer to a man’s brain as a Rolodex. A man has thousands of images that he is bombarded with every day. Some good. Some not. Some holy. Some not. And whether he knows it or not, he remembers them. Ever so often his Rolodex goes on shuffle and pulls up an image in his mind. These images could even be as old as a Playboy cover he saw years ago. Now, don’t go thinking men are sick. It’s just the way God created them. They are visual.
But, why should Christian couples be interested?
Because of my Christian convictions, I believe that boudoir photography is best used in the context of marriage. I think any man would be delighted that his wife (or wife-to-be) would think enough of him to give him a gift that takes a lot of courage and love to do. Now, remember that Rolodex, ladies, how much better and holier is it if your husband’s brain goes on shuffle and up pops a gorgeous image of you…HIS WIFE? He is now thinking of the wonderful woman God blessed him with! What could be more God honoring than that?





At first I was totally psyched about doing the boudoir session.  I made all these unrealistic goals to diet and lost X amount of weight before the session. As time went on and I realized that wasn't happening I began to become anxious about it.  Frankly, if it wasn't something that I had already paid for I might have backed out.

But we ended up making arrangements for someone to watch the kids and Isaac came with me.  We had silly conversations about what I should wear and how much to reveal, etc.  Isaac was supportive and only wanted me to do what I was comfortable with.  I searched Pinterest and found poses that I liked.  I tried to be as prepared as I could be.  I followed all the tips the photographer gave me ahead of time.  I picked out a couple of sexy things to wear.  I even practiced making a sultry faces... not a fan of that part.  Did my hair up all fancy - for me anyway.  I even got my makeup professionally done! I mean, if I'm gonna do it I want to do it right!  ;-)

I was surprised at how comfortable I was during the photoshoot.  The photographer was very professional and put us both at ease.  She was very open to suggestion and did her best to work with the poses that I had collected.  She took charge when needed and helped find ways to compliment my curves.  The time passed quickly - it was a mini-session after all.  Before I knew it she was showing us the proofs and we were picking out photos.  Now to be honest...  I was still overly critical of myself as we viewed the photos.  I was making a weird face (was that supposed to be sexy or constipated?) in this one, that one showed too many fat rolls, etc...  However, there were a few that I really did like and was happy with how they turned out.  And naturally, my husband liked pretty much all of them. 

This pix above was taken at our post-photo-session dinner date.  I don't know if you can tell... but I feel pretty.  ;-)  And more than that, I felt empowered and confident.  It was a liberating experience for me. 

So... while I am not saying that every woman should do boudoir... I do think its worth considering.  It was a blessing for my husband and my marriage and it could be for yours too.

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  – Proverbs 5:18

A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. -   Proverbs 5:19

Mental Health

I have given more thought to mental health in recent years.  Not only have my inlaws been in the mental health profession, but there have been times when friends and family members dealing with deep seeded issues that have brought up questions about mental health.  And there have been circumstances in my own life that have caused me to ask questions of myself as well.

I appreciate authors and bloggers who open up and share about their struggles with mental health issues.  Little Miss Momma shares about something that she has dealt with since she was a child.  The Militant Baker opens up about living with Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Christianity Today's article Christians Can't Ignore The Uncomfortable Reality of Mental Illness.  The online magazine Relevant shares a Christian perspective of Mental Health.  A link that was particularly helpful to me was this one on Homeschooling through Depression.

If you are a believer you should seek out a counselor who has a similar belief system as you.  Many secular views may conflict with those values that you hold dear. Focus on the Family has some tips on selecting a Christian counselor.  Broken Believers helps us understand why we should educate ourselves about Christian counseling.


National Association for Mental Illness is helping to raiser awareness with the Mental Illness Awareness Week (October 6th - 12th) which coincides with National Depression Screening Day on October 10th.

CSA Recipes

 photo source

Being a part of a Community Supported Agriculture produce co-op this summer/fall has stretched my cooking skills or at least broadened my range. The produce is so fresh and crisp.  We have all noticed a difference!  Ok, well, maybe not the kids.  ;-)

Stuffed Peppers Soup

Mashed Potatoes with Garlic and Kale

Unstuffed Cabbage Rolls

Make months worth of green smoothies

Swiss Chard Egg Casserole

Quinoa Stir Fry

Chocolate Gluten Free Zucchini-Banana Muffins

Stir-Fried Cabbage


If you are interested in finding a CSA near you check out this link.

DIY Thickener

Christine is on thickened liquids because she has a weak airway and micro-aspirates when she has regular fluids.  The prescription thickener (we were using Simply Thick) was running us $86 every month.  We were starting to feel the strain so Isaac researched DIY alternatives.  He found this video on YouTube.



We've been using this method for the past couple of months and it has saved us a couple hundred dollars already.  I don't have a magic bullet or whatever blender that they use in the video so I use a Mason jar and attach my blender blade to it.  That amount of thickener lasts us a couple of days. 

We have been very happy with the results.  As far as we can tell there is hardly any difference between the Simply Thick and the thickener that we make on our own now.  They both have been equally effective for us.  Hopefully this will help other families who are using thickeners. 

Do you have any DIY tricks or tips to pass my way?  ;-)

Going Gluten-Free

I have toyed with the idea of going gluten-free since the beginning of our special needs journey.  But for awhile it was easy to dismiss because we did not have a recommendation from any of our physicians or a diagnosis that went hand in hand with GF.  But last summer we had one doc suggest trying gluten-free (he actually referred me to this site).  I didn't want to dive head on into a diet change without my husband and I being on the same page about it.  It has taken him a little while to come around but the more he has read about it the more he has realized that we would be negligent if we didn't at least try it out for Joe and Christine's sake.  The surprising thing was that after doing his own research was that he has realized he will probably benefit from going gluten-free also (he suffers from a sleep disorder, acid reflux and OCD...).

So, over the past few weeks I have been gathering resources and talking to friends who are GF and trying to get a plan together for us to transition to gluten-free.  I have a Pinterest board devoted to gluten-free recipes and tips, I bought a Groupon for Emeals meal planning service (they now offer GF, Clean Eating and Paleo Menus - among others) and I have hit the library looking for GF recipe books.  We have come across a myriad of articles that both support and discourage the diet.  I found one interesting post about what the bible says about eating grains.  There are a lot of great resources out there, including apps to help you menu plan or dine out while sticking to your gluten-free diet.

To be honest, the week before we made the switch my husband and I both "binged" on a lot of our favorite gluten-y foods.  And we paid for it.  By the end of the weekend we were both feeling pretty crappy.  Which in a way reinforced our decision to make this change for our family.  

We have designated the summer (through Labor Day) as our trial period for us to determine if gluten-free is a change that is necessary and worthwhile for our family.  We took the time to write down a list of things for us to keep an eye on for each person in our household.  Things that we hope will be helped by going gluten-free.  To give you an idea of what we listed: Isaac: acid reflux, dry skin, OCD...  Wani: stress, digestion, fatigue, depression... Nate: attention, dry skin, focus... Joe: eye contact, balance, communication... Christine: digestion, coordination, communication...  just to name a few.  

So please join with us in saying a prayer that God will make it clear to us if this is His plan for our family.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.-  1 Corinthians 10:31

 

photo source

The Lord's Table

If you know me or have followed my blog for awhile you probably know that my weight has been an issue most of my life. I have been anywhere from a size 8 (senior year of high school) to a size 20.  I am an emotional eater and that encompasses sad, stressed, excited, celebratory... any of those emotions could induce unnecessary eating.  I have realized that I have been using food as a band aid to ease my pain during a sad or stressful time. I've probably gained 15-25lbs just in the last year or two.  The first few sneak up on you and you think its no big deal.  But then a few turn into ten which turns into twenty and it feels overwhelming.

When I started the study in mid-March I weighed in at 205lbs.... I hadn't weighed that much since before I had Nate (except for while pregnant - which totally does not count ;-).  Not to mention I was down to only two pairs of pants that fit (barely) and they would not fit for long if I continued on the path I was on.  Not a proud day.  I was munching off and on throughout the day.  Not on apples and healthy things but on chips and chocolate... its clearly not been working for me.

I am thankful that there are resources out there like Setting Captives Free that provide a program to address the heart of my eating issues.  The Lord's Table is 60-Day interactive course will teach you to enjoy a newfound relationship with the Lord. You will find freedom from the sin of gluttony, by learning to follow biblical and practical ways, as you daily proceed through this course. If you binge and or purge or starve or exercise to excess, we recommend the In His Image course.

I have been pretty consistent with the eating plan (with only a couple of slip ups - that Easter candy killed me!).  I have worked out a few times but not yet gotten into a regular exercise routine.  But I am hoping to start walking in the mornings once it gets nice out.  This spring weather has been wonky here in Indiana!  

However, I have not been as consistent with doing the daily devotionals.  I have good intentions when I get up in the morning but my days get away from me quickly and by the time the kids go to bed I don't feel like I have enough energy (physically or mentally) to do it in the evening.  I know that my real issue is with my heart and not with food. I am working at making it a priority to spend time in the Word and in prayer daily.  Frankly its been years since I had a regular quiet time.  Its been hit or miss for a long time now and I know its something that I desperately need in my life.  

Its been about six weeks since I started.  I have lost about 10 lbs.  While part of me wishes it was more, I know that slow and steady wins the weight-loss "race" and I know that for me the important part of this journey right now is not the number on the scale but the state of my heart.  I have a long way to go in both areas.  Its still a work in progress but I know that God is doing a good work in me every day.  

Please say a prayer for me as I continue on this journey toward a healthier life both physically and spiritually.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.  -  Philippians 1:6 NASB

WLW - Workouts?

I am a creature of habit. Good ones, bad ones... if I fall out of our usual routine then I'm far less likely to continue with the good habits that I have been working on creating. Last week I had the Hearts at Home conference, it was awesome but threw us out of whack. Then I was planning and executing Joe's birthday party which kept me pretty busy. And now we have spring break, Easter, Christine's birthday and the end of the school year all coming up pretty quickly. On top of that we have a lot going on in my family: two sisters expecting and another one getting married at the end of the summer. I am realizing that all of this is wreaking havoc on my carefully constructed routines.

Since I started this part of my weightloss journey several weeks ago I have been working out at the gym with my friend twice a week (with the exception of a couple of times when one or both of our schedules would not allow it). But I am realizing it is not enough. If I want to see results I need to suck it up and put in the time. I am going to start doing T-TAPP at home on the days that I do not go to the gym. I've had success with this workout before but fell out of the habit and have not gotten back into it since before Christine was born.

T-Tapp is a series of copyrighted, sequential movements designed to put the body in proper functional alignment. Its special sequence of comprehensive, compound muscle movement helps establish better alignment as well as increased strength and flexibility of the spine, better neuro-kinetic flow, lymphatic function, and increased metabolic rate. Its physical therapy approach to fitness makes it safe for those with shoulder, hip, knee, neck, and back concerns. Yet, it delivers a challenging workout for all fitness levels!

Here is a video of one of T-Tapp's signature moves:

I typically weigh myself every other day or so. In the last week its been up and down. Its an old school scale so no digital .2 lbs for me, its just the little dial that wobbles back and forth as I try to get it to lean in my favor. Today it read the same as last week.

Please pray that I will not allow the stress and disruption of routine to keep me from doing the things I need to do. I'm not just talking about working out. With all that has been going on the housework has fallen behind and laundry is piled up in my bedroom. I haven't kept my food journal in over a week. Not to mention that I have gotten lax in writing in my prayer journal. I need to reboot and get back to a place of sanity. ;-)

Spend your time and energy in training yourself for spiritual fitness. Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important for it promises a reward in both this life and the next. This is true and everyone should accept it. 1 Timothy 4:7-9 (NLT)

WLW - wk 5

As you may have seen, I had a fun weekend away with a few of my girlfriends. I'm sure you can imagine how faithful I was to my healthy eating while we were away. I was away from my safety zone where I have my kitchen and (usually) healthy food to prepare. We ate out the whole time we were gone... I kind of felt like at any given meal I would either make a fairly healthy choice but overeat, or I would choose something not healthy and have decent portion control. It wasn't all bad, I did keep from unhealthy snacking by bringing some things from home. But dining out killed me.
So... what I am trying to focus on this week is keeping on keeping on. I'm not going to let a slip up or set back ruin me. I am not going to drop out of this race I am running just because I made a few bad choices. I am doing what I can to refocus and regain the healthy patterns that I have been working so hard to implement. When a runner stumbles, do they quit? No, they get back up and they finish the race.

This weeks weigh-in: 0lb lost since last week - 6lbs total. Not great - but considering the change in routine with being out of town and all, I guess its better than gaining.



Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. 1 Corinthians 9:24

WLW - wk 4 - Temptation

Currently I have been working out with my gal, Beth. Thanks to the help of our supportive husbands we have been meeting at the gym together two times a week for awhile now. Beth's husband used to be a personal trainer and he gave her a simple gym routine to do and I've been following her lead since I haven't spent much time in a gym in quite some time - or ever really. I have gone by myself a few times but the time drags on when I'm alone, and when we're together I push myself harder to keep up with Beth's skinny butt! ;-)
Another thing that I have done in the past is TTapp. A friend from church swears it was the only thing that got rid of her c-section sag. I am all about that! I just have trouble being consistent. Then, once I fall out of the routine its hard to get back in the habit of doing it regularly.
I heard a great online radio segment with Jonathan Roche with No Excuses Weight Loss. His thing is he emphasizes the benefits of interval training being a great way to pump up your weight loss. He has sample workouts on his website and I'm hoping to start doing those on the days that I do not go to the gym.

In the spirit of keepin' it real I have to say that temptations are everywhere. I have a few things going on in my life (beyond the usual crazies) and those around me that have made for some stressful times. I don't know about you but that makes me particularly weak when it comes to food. My flesh wants to indulge my screaming emotions that tell me I'll feel better if I pick up DQ on the way home, or dig into the candy that is being saved for my kids' birthday parties. But even in the face of almost constant temptation, I have been doing my best to stay focused on the task at hand of making healthier choices. The prize I am working toward is a much better reward than the temporary pleasure of indulging my sweet tooth.

My hard work seems to be paying off because I have lost another 2 lbs from last week for a total of 6lbs since I began. Considering none of my changes have been very drastic I feel that I am making good progress.

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 NASB

WLW - wk 3 - Snacks

Snacks are one of my biggest weaknesses. Its so easy to munch a little bit here and there and in my head it doesn't count. It was just a few bites or a couple of pieces. No big deal. Right? Well, we all know that is just what we (I) tell ourselves to ease the guilt. Everything that we put in our mouths matters.

As I have been focusing on being more deliberate with my eating habits (both portions and content) I have become more aware of my bad habits. I have known I was an emotional eater for awhile. But I'm realizing now that I'm a boredom eater too. If I'm watching tv I will munch. If I'm in the kitchen cooking I'll munch. It doesn't take much to make me want something to munch on.

Since I haven't figured out how to get rid of the urge to munch I am directing my energy toward improving the quality of the things I munch on. Sometimes I'll chew a piece of gum if I know that I am not really hungry and I am only wanting something out of habit or boredom. But if I really feel like my body needs something the first thing I do is this: drink a large glass of water. Good old H2O! What better way to fill up your body with something it needs? Then, if after about ten minutes your body is still something I will find something on the healthy side. One key thing to remember is to plan ahead and have healthy snack alternatives handy, maybe you can prepackage them in snack size baggies for convenience. Here are a few of my faves:
simple things like apple slices, carrot sticks, grapes etc
snack size helpings of cheese, yogurt, etc
no bake energy bites (found this recipe on Pinterest - LOVE IT!)
sometimes I'll even raid the leftovers of last night's dinner as long as its healthy and a snack size portion

I have to add that I think Google and Pinterest are your best friend! There are so many great resources online! Check out a few that I like:
20 Quick and Healthy Snack Ideas
Hungry Girl's Healthy Ways to Snack on the Go!
6 Simple Super Bowl (or any other game day) Snacks
All Recipes' Top Healthy Snack Recipes
Eating Well's Quick and Healthy Snacks


Weekly Weigh In: down 2lbs from last week - down 4lbs total - 36lbs to go!

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NLT)

WLW - week 2

Well, I want to do a quick little update. I was super excited and motivated when I posted last week. The honeymoon is over. ;-)

Eating right and avoiding sugar is not easy! Temptations are everywhere. I had some girlfriends in from out of town and we indulged in some special treats together. Then while grocery shopping yesterday I had to stop myself from buying chips and treats at every turn. I had to take a tip from Lysa Terkeurst's book Made to Crave. I kept repeating to myself: "I am made for more than this."

It is so true. I AM made for more than that. God wants to be what fills me up. He doesn't want me turning to food for every joy and every trial. I should seek Him for comfort when I am hurting, not seeking solace in ice cream.

But despite some obvious challenges this week I would like to say that I was able to make it to the gym a couple of times. Most recently I went with a gal pal and it was way more fun to workout with a buddy! Also I have been working on finding creative alternatives for some of my old junky foods. When I am really dying for something sweet I will have a small cup of sugar free pudding or a handful of almonds and a few choc chips - instead of a bowl of ice cream like I would have a couple weeks ago.

When I weighed in today I had lost 2lbs from last week. 2 down and 38 to go. ;-)

Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. ~ 2 Corinthians 7:1

Weight Loss Wednesday

I have come to realize that I have fallen into a slump of apathy about my weight and my health. I have had a roller coaster ride when it comes to the ups and downs of my weight. I know I've posted about previous successes. But for awhile now I have relied on the perks of breastfeeding to help me lose the baby weight. Well, Christine is nearly two and is only nursing once a day and the weight loss perks are long gone and the scale has been telling me so for quite some time but I chose to ignore it. No more.

I'm going to be joining with Confessions of a Snowflake for her weekly Weight Loss Wednesday series. I need to find some accountability in this area and this is a good place to start. This is not just about looks, weight, clothes sizes... I

According to multiple online BMI calculators my Body Mass Index is around 31.8... well above the recommended healthy range of 18-25. I need to lose about 40lbs to get back into the healthy range.

It is a little daunting. Ok, a lot. But I know my food and physical activity choices have not been healthy for me or glorifying to God. I am not being a good steward of the body and the life that He has blessed me with. It is my responsibility to take care of myself so that I can be a better wife, mother, person.

I am not diving into any dramatic crash diets. I have a long way to go and I am going to start by making a few simple changes and go from there. I saw The No "S" Diet online and while I haven't read the book, the philosophy seems simple and easy to follow. Basically their whole thing is "no snacks, no sweets and no seconds - except on days that start with "S". I will be keeping a food journal to help keep me accountable and make myself aware of not only how much but also what I am putting into my body. I am going to force myself to get up early a few days a week and go to the gym. I am not a morning person to getting up before the sun is not easy for me. I am primarily going to focus on the treadmill and the bike until I get a little more comfortable in the gym and then I'll branch out.

Its not rocket science. I need to eat less junk and be more active. If its so simple why is it so hard to implement?




- Encouraging Weight Loss Resources -

Karen Ehman's website has lots of weight loss posts that are helpful and encouraging.

Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave website is great - as is the book which focuses on helping us to get on track to have our deepest desires satisfied with God and not food.

My husband and I have previously had success with The Lords Table - its a free study from Setting Captives Free that helps people become break away from the bonds of their unhealthy eating habits

*I am sure there are a lot of other great resources out there too. But I stuck to the ones that I know about from personal use. I'd love to hear about more - feel free to let me know if you have some suggestions! ;-)

Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

~ 2 Corinthians 7:1

Smoothies?

My first smoothie attempt... was bumpy. The worst part was that I had bought this giant bag of spinach at Costco for just this purpose but the last couple of weeks have been busy and I kind of forgot about it until this morning. So when I pulled the spinach out of the fridge... I'm sure you can imagine the slimy mess. But I had the motivation (and I had already poured apple juice into the blender so I was committed) and I improvised!
After checking out a few websites (What is a green smoothie?, Green Smoothie Recipes & Detoxing with Green Smoothies...) and getting an idea of the kids of fruit and vegi combinations that other people are doing with their smoothies I just decided to wing it using what I had. Here is what I ended up with:

2 cups apple juice
1 apple cut up
1 banana
1/2 bag baby carrots
1 bag frozen mixed berries
1/8 cup flax seed
2 Tbspn honey
2 Tbspn coconut oil

All in all... not a bad way to start my morning. I will be trying this again. With fresh spinach next time! ;-)

Made to Crave

I'm a part of an online prayer/accountability group. It started with the Good Morning Girls website that my friend Toni suggested to all her facebook friends. I sent out a message looking for a few girls to join together with and our little group was formed. It is a small group of three - but that works for us. We message one another daily(ish) and share what we have been reading and learning in the bible as well as any prayer requests that we have. While we got a little out of the groove over the holidays we are eager to get back on track together.

We decided to read a book together. I got Lysa TerKeurst's book Made to Crave for Christmas and thought it would be a good one to read and discuss together. Then we found out that Lysa will be doing a webcast every Monday through February 14th.


I've struggled with a love-hate relationship with food basically my entire life. I like to cook, I love to eat, but I hate the scale!! Food issues are not like smoking or drinking - those things you can cut out completely. But we need food to sustain us... so we have to eat... but what do we eat? And why do we choose the things we eat? Am I eating because I am hungry or because I am bored? There are so many questions I have asked myself about my food choices and what I can or should be doing to become a healthier person - both for myself and for my husband and children. I have lots of examples around me in friends and family members - both good and bad examples.
In Lysa's book she talks about how for so many of us its more of a heart issue than a food issue. Instead of turning to God for comfort and strength we turn to food to meet those needs. But it is a vicious cycle to be on because my eating often hurts my body, causing me to be lethargic, tired, and eventually overweight and unhappy.
I hope that through reading this book with my girlfriends I can regain control of my eating habits, refocus my attention on Him and build my relationship first with God and then with my Good Morning Girls as well.