Its been a great year!

 I often feel like we have more than our fair share of challenges. And maybe its true. But we all have our challenges. I try not to let people say that mine are bigger than theirs, because we each have our own mountains to climb. What is the use in comparing?

This past year had its fill of challenges. Lots of medical paperwork. Countless phone calls with insurance, doctor's offices, therapists and medicaid personnel. Tantrums and tumbles. Dirty diapers and tear streaked cheeks.

Awhile back I read an article online that really captured how amazed I often am with Nate. Dear Sibling to a Child With Special Needs could have been written about Nate himself. In a way it is.

 Throughout the early part of the year Nate was getting frustrated to the point of tears almost daily. The tantrums from his brother and seeing me frequently frazzled really got to him. Can't blame him for being shaken up sometimes.

We had a lot of talks about finding the good in each day. Not letting a bad situation or frustrating circumstance get us down. We had this conversation a LOT. Frankly, I think I was talking to myself as much as I was talking to him.

At first I didn't really notice that these talks were starting to make a difference. But after awhile Nate started saying "its been a great day". Sometimes it was in response to something good that had happened (going to a playdate or out to lunch) but other times, it was just because he knew that even though we sometimes have to deal with hard things, we are still blessed. Even Nate's friends and their parents have taken notice of his new "outlook on life".

I have told him how remarkable that it is for him to have purposefully changed the way he thought about life, his life. There are plenty of adults who have not been able to grasp this concept of recognizing the good in our life even while going through hard times. This wonderful outlook that he has taken on gives me hope for the man he is on his way to becoming. 

Bucket List Update

It has been quite awhile since I updated my Bucket List so I figured it was about time! If you remember, this started out as my 30 by 30 list, but since I am no longer 30... its become my Bucket List. Some of these are more realistic than others, some will be ongoing things that I work on forever. But having them in black and white helps keep me accountable and give me something to work toward.

1. Take a "real" vacation with my husband! Not just to the family lakehouse (though it is nice, It is not the same as really getting away together - ALONE!). ;-) -

DONE – Our Wisconsin trip in '09 was great. Also, for our 10year anniversary we went on a cruise!

2. I want to go to one (and only one) of the following: Colts game, Pacers game OR the Indy 500.... Those are huge Indianapolis things to do and I've lived here my whole life and not done any of them! * Changed to sporting event with hubby. So that includes the Cubbies. - DONE – Sallie took me to Pacers game (front row seats and all!) and Isaac and I went to a Cubs game in Cincy. And last year we got some tickets to a Colts home game at Lucas Oil Stadium!

3. Go on a trip with my "girls". We've been talking about doing it for years but none of us has had the money... but somehow we need to make it happen!! - Done... sort of. I want this to be an every couple of years thing. I don't think just one trip is gonna do it. But I did have a great trip with a couple of my favorite ladies in the fall of 2012. This summer I got to visit Savannah, Georgia with two of my college pals!

4. Watch a silent movie. I don't know why but I think it'd be really fun! Charlie Chaplain here I come! – AFI Top 100 - DONE - for my 32nd birthday my hubby planned this really great at-home-date that included a home-cooked meal (by him) and a silent movie on a projector screen. It was so great!

5. Going to a scrapbooking retreat with a group of my Scrappin' Sisters! This one will totally happen! Right girls?!? - DONE – we did a DIY retreat at the lake.

6. Take my older son to an amusement OR water park. He loved the carnival rides at the county fair... I know he'd love the kiddie area of Kings' Island or Holiday World... something like that. -

DONE – we went to Great Wolf Lodge. Still hope to go to an amusement park someday. ;-)

7. Get really good outdoor family pictures taken of us and the boys. I'm a photographer myself... but it is hard to do your own family's pictures! - DONE – I can't bring myself to spend a fortune on an expensive photographer but I am willing to spend a little by having friends do our pix, or by getting a deal on Groupon and so far I've been really happy with them.

8. Have my entire house clean at the same time. (I'm not saying I will do said cleaning... just that it will be done!) - Um, yeah. Not sure if this will ever happen but one can always hope! In the mean time I am working on developing a better routine for household upkeep.

9. Ok, please don't laugh or think I'm awful! I want to go skinny dipping! Though I'll probably have to do it alone because my husband does not do water.... DONE.  ;-)

10. Do some community service OR mission trip. I've kind of let stuff like that sit on the back burner since I had kids and I think it'd be good to give in that way again. DONE - family pictures for Sheltering Wings families a couple of times now.

11. I know this sounds lame but... I want to own a minivan. It is hard having two kids in car seats in a small sedan! It'd be nice to have my siblings be able to ride with us instead of having to drive separate cars! - DONE – love it! Thank goodness we got it when we did because now that we have three kids we could not all fit in the Cavalier together.

12. Feel comfortable in my own skin. Whether that includes losing weight, getting in better shape, or not... I just want to be able to look at myself and love me without being so critical of myself and pointing out all my flaws. - ** Its a work in progress. I think every pregnancy has given me more and more of an appreciation for my body even if I don't always like how it looks. Major milestone... I did a boudoir session last summer! Talk about empowering!

13. Get better at managing my time... sometimes I feel like I work all day and get nothing done! There has to be a better way! -I'm trying to get the hang of the FLY Lady thing!  Fly lady didn't work out for me... but I just finished reading Say Goodbye to Survival Mode by MoneySavingMom and I'm trying to use her tools to help create better habits and use my time and money more wisely.

14. Paint our master bedroom. It’s a fairly inexpensive way to change the look of a room and I think it’d help me to be satisfied w/ our hand-me-down furniture instead of longing for something new. - DONE – love it!

15. Get in touch with a few old friends that I haven’t talked to in awhile. I know that some friends are seasonal friends and aren’t meant to last forever… but sometimes it is nice to catch up with people that you’ve lost touch with too. *Done - I have been able to reconnect with some old friends via facebook.

16. Read a Jane Austen book. I loved the movies of her books and I liked The Jane Austen Book Club… I think it’d be fun to make an “all Jane Austen all the time book club” of my own! - this seemed like a good idea at the time... but I have a hard time reading books if I've already seen the movie. So I'm not sure this one is going to happen. ;-) I'll be happy if I can finish just one!! Maybe I will do audiobook?

17. Find a new Christmas tradition to replace gifts. Every year we’re overwhelmed with the amount of toys and stuff that our boys get from friends and family. I want to stop exchanging gifts within our immediate family and take a trip or have a special outing that we do together instead – I’m working on it. We have downsized our gift-giving some.

18. Begin home-schooling. I was home-schooled and while I think there are many advantages to doing it… I’m a little intimidated. I want to get organized enough to do it well. *DONE - Nate is in third grade. Our homeschooling style keeps evolving but no matter how we go about it, he is always learning. We are involved in a homeschool co-op and have lots of homeschooling friends in our church.

19. Decide if we are going to have more kids. When we got married I wanted four kids and Isaac wanted two. Well… after having one via unexpected c-section, and one vbac at home…one who tries my patience daily and the other who pulls at my heartstrings constantly… I’m not sure if I can handle any more kids. - DONE – Christine is the perfect final addition to our family!

20. Expand my photography business. I’ve kind of just let my business be primarily friends and family so far. But I’d like to take it a little more seriously and actually do some marketing and put my business out there for more jobs. I want to do this for two reasons: 1) I love taking pictures and want to improve my skill and a lot of that comes from experience. 2) It would be helpful to our family financially if I was able to bring in some extra income. **  I still have a few gigs here and there for friends and family and that is fine for now. You can see my work HERE.

21. Get all my completed scrapbook pages into albums! I have piles of pages that are stacking up that I have no albums to put them into! - When we staged our house a couple of summers ago I packed up almost all of my scrapbooking stuff and its still in storage. Been making Photobooks on Shutterfly lately. Not the same, but still good.

22. Finish reading through the whole bible with my husband. We got off to a good start awhile back and got out of the habit. Need to start back up and finish this time! - Totally dropped the ball on this one. But want to get back into the groove!

23. Go to a Hearts at Home conference. I’ve wanted to go for a couple of years now and have not been able to work it out. One of these days… it will happen! -

DONE - I have now attended the last three Hearts at Home conferences. Each year I seem to get more out of the experience than I did the year before. It is such a great thing to be a part of. I cannot recommend it enough. Great for moms of all ages and stages!

24. Find a way to show my husband how much I appreciate him. He is such a big part of my life and while he certainly challenges me… I think I take all the good things about him for granted sometimes. - DONE - or so he tells me! ;-) But naturally its an ongoing thing that I try to work on every day.

25. Help make some positive changes to the women’s ministry at my church. I think there are a lot of women who would benefit from some regular fellowship time where we can develop our relationships on a deeper level than what we can do on Sunday mornings.- I am resistant to work on this one right now. Its kind of been a difficult road with our church's leadership. We don't always see eye to eye as far as where we want the direction of women's ministry to go. Still hope to work on this goal in the future.

26. Go see Wicked (or some other live musical). I have always enjoyed musicals and haven’t been to many live shows lately. I’m one of those dorks who will sing along and annoy whoever is sitting next to me!! DONE - I went to Wicked with a few of my best girls last year. LOVED it!!!

27. Become involved in a mom’s group/play group of some kind. - DONE-ish. While we don't have anything structured set up, a few friends and I have been getting together pretty regularly for play/learn dates. I love sharing our lives together!

28. Write out our will. It is not a fun job. No one (ok, I don’t) looks forward to thinking about what will happen when their gone from this world. But it has got to be done.

29. Take a continuing education class for fun. I was looking in the paper a few weeks ago and there were a few that I am interested in: cooking, etiquette, sewing, how to build your photography business, and others. Maybe I could talk someone into doing it with me!

30. Read a book that my husband recommends (from cover to cover!). My DH and I do not have similar taste in books at all. I read mostly fiction with some fluffy self help or DIY books in the mix. He on the other hand reads mostly theological stuff that generally bores me!

New ones:

31. Complete a 5k. I am not aspiring to win one or anything, just think it would be a fun thing to do. 

  - DONE - In July my friend and I dragged my kids out on a Saturday morning and we all did the Color Foam Run together! And just a couple weeks ago a couple of us gals did the GloRun! It was so much fun! We weren't real competetive but we finished and had a blast!

32. Visit a foreign country.  I have visited a couple foreign countries when I was younger, but now I want to go somewhere as a family. I really want to go somewhere with my husband and oldest son.

33. See some of the Wonders of the World.

34.  Go to Disney/Harry Potter World. We're hoping to get a group together to go in 2016.

35. Climb to the top of a waterfall.

36. Take my family to the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta.

37. Go to New Zealand and see all the Lord of the Rings locations.*I know, I am a big dork.  ;-)

Hearts at Home Third Thursday Blog Hop - Love Your Now

The theme for the Hearts at Home conference last weekend was Love Your Life. And the theme for the Blog Hop this week is Love Your Now.  Hhmmm... are we seeing a pattern here?

I gotta be honest, I don't always feel like I love my life. On one hand, it looks like I have exactly the life I always wanted: a wonderful husband, three beautiful kids...

 

I mean, how cute are we? Pretty perfect looking, huh?  ;-)

But in reality, the life we have isn't always loveable. More often than not our house is a mess and the floors are sticky. Even when its tidy there are walkers and wheelchairs cluttering up the otherwise neat downstairs. There is a lot of screaming in our house. And only sometimes is it from me. Sometimes, but not usually.  With two non-verbal kids in the house they often resort to screaming or biting and scratching when they can't get us to understand their needs. Or they are upset by someone because someone else is upset.  We have seen more than our fair share of doctors who still have yet to give us a definitive diagnosis for our kiddos. My husband has OCD, a sleep disorder and I can't get him to care about his eating and lack of exercise habits. I homeschool my oldest who is a crazy challenging combination of me and my husband. And I struggle with depression, emotional eating and procrastination.

Sometimes its easy to focus on all of those things... the unlovable things. But there is so much more to us than that.  I DO have a husband who LOVES me.  He is a wonderful provider and adores the kids and I. To him, I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I LOVE him and am so thankful for having him in my life.

My children may not be easy but they think I am wonderful. My oldest tells me I am "the best" every day.  Even my nonverbal kiddos light up when they see me. For all their complications and challenges, they are sweet and loving kids.
We are so blessed to have wonderful supportive family and friends who love us and are happy to help out or babysit whenever we need them.  Honestly, I think we've only paid for babysitting once or twice, ever. 

And me... I like to say that I am a work in progress but I am more than that too. I am a child of God. I am a wife and mother who LOVES her family. I choose to stay home with my children because I believe that no one can care for them better than me. No one can love them more than my husband and I do(except for our loving Father).

This week I read a post from Hands Free Mama that seemed to tie into this idea of loving your life - loving your now.  She talks about being thankful for the challenges and disappointments for how they help us to love and appreciate the "Glimmers of Goodness" in each day.  She lists off several examples of these, the last one being:

Thank you, daily challenge. It is in looking straight into the face of sorrow, struggle, fear, frustration, heartache, and worry that I appreciate the fact I keep showing up. I shall pay attention and appreciate the fact that I Keep Showing Up.

So, even though its not always easy... I do, I love my life. And even when I don't, those are the times that help me to appreciate and love the best parts of it.  ;-)

We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/love_life.html#Yg35mU8JJM4lw2rd.99

We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/love_life.html#Yg35mU8JJM4lw2rd.99

We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/love_life.html#Yg35mU8JJM4lw2rd.99

Third Thursday Blog Hop - Love Your Dreams/Goals

I am a little excited to be attending Hearts at Home 's National Conference again this year.  It will be my third time attending and each time has been a true blessing. The theme this year is "Love Your Life".  Tying in to that theme will be the monthly Third Thursday Blog Hop themes...  this month is "Love Your Dreams/Goals".  Which is fitting since just a couple weeks ago I posted my New Year's Resolutions for 2014.  And I think that is a good way to start the year off, thinking about goals and dreams for the year ahead.
 
“Don't you find it odd," she continued, "that when you're a kid, everyone, all the world, encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you're older, somehow they act offended if you even try.”  ― Ethan Hawke

I can't even count the number of times I have had conversations with my son about not giving up, and working hard to achieve our goals, etc.  But when it comes down to it I tend to give up on my own goals just as easily as my own child does.  It is often easier to admit defeat than it is to forge ahead in the face of frustration and hard work. Or I end up on the side of fearing failure and neglecting to set goals to work toward at all because I know I'll fall short of my own expectations.

 photo source

“I believe that half the trouble in the world comes from people asking 'What have I achieved?' rather than 'What have I enjoyed?' I've been writing about a subject I love as long as I can remember--horses and the people associated with them, anyplace, anywhere, anytime. I couldn't be happier knowing that young people are reading my books. But even more important to me is that I've enjoyed so much the writing of them.”  ― Walter Farley 

"What have I enjoyed?"  I think I often get so caught up in what I "should" be doing that I forget to do things that I enjoy doing.  There is a common theme throughout my resolutions this year and that is being intentional.  I don't want to take the easy way anymore.  I want to work on my relationships.  I long to spend more time with the people that I love than hiding away in my little bubble at home.  I want to reach out to people even though it requires effort and planning and sometimes can be frustrating... but I want to shine the light of Jesus to those around me and I can't do that effectively if I retreat into my shell and don't get out of my comfort zone.

There have been times in my life when I was going through a really hard time and really needed to have someone reach out to me and encourage me and God put someone in my path to bring a meal or send a note of encouragement.  And it makes all the difference in the world sometimes. Then, there have been other times when no one stepped forward, no one reached out.  I don't want to be that person that chooses not to reach out to other women, especially younger women, new wives and moms who are struggling with their new roles. Maybe they are going through some of the same things that I went through.  Or maybe their situation is totally different but I could be a listening ear.  Its possible that they have no one else in their life to show them the love of Jesus.  I desire to really love my life and encourage other women to love their lives too.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.-  Philippians 3:13-14 ESV

If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams. Les Brown
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/your_dreams.html#E7tfiMfsO3XIDPzr.99

If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams. Les Brown
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/your_dreams.html#E7tfiMfsO3XIDPzr.99

I feel like the theme of Love Your Life was chosen just for me... because I struggle with that sometimes... but I know I am not alone.  Please pray for me (and all the other moms) as I (we) seek to truly love the lives that God has given us.  Check out the other great Blog Hop posts on Jill Savage's blog.

Weekly Goals

photo source

I have a habit of saying I'm gonna do something, and truly wanting to do it... but not actually getting around to it.  Ugh.  Who likes to admit that?  Not me.

I have been inspired by fellow bloggers Sarah Mae and Crystal to share my goals with you all.  Now, Crystal posted her goals for the year and I did that too... but due to my own lack of organization I've failed to follow along and keep updating those.  Sarah Mae is doing something a little more my speed and posting weekly goals.  So here goes:

Goals for the week of July 16-22

finish reading When Saints Sing the Blues


go on a mid-week lunch date w/ my hubby (it's a mystery guest visit to Cheesecake Factory!)

finish creating a chore/reward system for Nate


attend a friend's adoption fund raiser at Chick-fil-A


make a trip to Costco to get a few things for my hubby's lunches


eat more fruits and vegetables and less desserts


Its not a huge list... but its a start.  Next week I'll let you know how I did this week and let you know what I'll be working on next. 

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
(Psalm 37:5)

Insecurity

 

 

My two drama "queens"...

God's Provision

The past couple of months have been a blur of concern, decisions, and changes. Isaac's parents made the leap of faith to close the counseling center that has been their family business for the last thirteen years. His mom's health has been a roller coaster that seems to be down more often than up and the decision was made that it would be best for her health to enter retirement.  They have moved to their lakehouse in northern Indiana where Isaac's dad is looking for a job in the area.  

Isaac has worked for the counseling center since the beginning so obviously the decision to close effected us greatly.  Because all the counselors wanted the opportunity to speak to their patients individually without having to worry that they would find out about the closing via the rumor mill we have had to keep the news to ourselves for quite some time.  We knew about it for almost a month before we even told my parents.  That was so hard!

Naturally, when we found out there was a mixture of relief (we knew this would be the best thing for his mom), concern (we wondered how easy would it be for Isaac to find another job), and excitement (this gives Isaac the opportunity to explore a "new" career field that he is interested in). Isaac quietly began having conversations with a few men at church that he is close to about job possibilities and had them help him work in his resume.

A friend that we have known for many years through church has been nudging Isaac to interview at his work for a couple of years now.  But Isaac had been happy working at the counseling center and saw no need to seek employment elsewhere.  Well, now the need had arose. Near the end of April Isaac had his first job interview in nearly fifteen years.  It went well. The following business day a job offer was made. Yay!

It has been a really rough few weeks for Isaac as he has had to work on finishing things up at the office, saying goodbye to coworkers and clients. He genuinely loved doing what he did there, the variety of his position.  He handled the finances, the computer networking, and he did substance abuse counseling.  He had not looked for another job until now because he was happy working where he was at.  So it has been especially hard seeing everything that he has worked so hard for end. Honestly, he hasn't quite been himself in awhile.  Its been wearing on all of us.

But finally the light at the end of the tunnel is nearing.  Today is the first day of his new job.  He will be working as a level two IT support person for a company who makes/sells hardware/software for video surveillance systems.  Isaac has already been able to familiarize himself with the system and is confident that this will be a good fit for his personality and his skills.  It will be different for him to be working in one specialized area since Isaac was so used to being the all around go-to-guy for most things at the office before.

Also, the new hours will be an adjustment.  Isaac has been afforded much flexibility while working for his parents and they accommodated his sleeping disorder by allowing his hours to be dictated by his sleep schedule.  Obviously a big corporation will not make such allowances.  For his week of training (this week) his hours are 8a-5p, so he left the house at 6:45am this morning!  But his usual hours will be 10a-7p.  Those hours were a relief in that it will be better for his sleeping issues, but it will be hard to not have him around for dinner during the week.  We will all have to get used to all these changes.

We are eager to see what the Lord has in store for us in this new phase of life. We know that He has it all worked out for His glory.  We're just along for the ride! 

So that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:7
 
God is good!

Day in the life...

This is an outline of an average day in our home:

6:30am - Nate gets up and plays Legos quietly until the rest of us wake up

7:30am - I get up and dressed

7:45am - I get Joe up and dressed

8:00am - breakfast for the boys

8:20am - Joe gets on the school bus for developmental preschool

8:30am - mommy gets Christine up and dressed and fed

9am - start school with Nate (usually Bible, writing, phonics)

9:30am - a couple of days a week Christine has First Steps therapy in the morning at about this time (Thurs we have homeschool co-op)

10am - silly time break for Nate to get his wiggles out (if I'm busy sometimes he gets a Lego break)

10:30am - finish school with Nate (reading, math, history, science/art, etc)

11:45am - I usually start lunch so its ready when Joe gets home (his patience is very limited)

12pm - Joe gets off the bus and we all eat lunch (Tues we have to run to Joe's PT appointment as soon as we're done with lunch)

1pm-1:30pm - Christine and Joe lay down for naps

1:30pm - I attempt to tidy up from breakfast and lunch

2pm - finish any schoolwork that didn't get completed earlier or play a game with Nate

3pm - Nate and I usually have snacktime together and then he gets to choose a kids show or computer time for 30-45 minutes - during which time I try to continue cleaning, do laundry or get on facebook or Pinterest... not proud... just being real. ;-)

4pm - Joe and Christine start waking up from their naps and they have their snacktime

5:30pm - I attempt to keep sane while I cook dinner (Joe and Christine are usually screaming for attention during this part of the day) (Tues Nate has Karate lessons at 6pm)

6:30pm - Daddy gets home from work and we all sit down to dinner together

7:30pm - playtime with Daddy while I tidy up from dinner (OR bath time a couple nights a week - in the picture the kiddos in their PJs and all ready for bed - how cute are they?)

8pm - get ready and put the kids to bed

9pm - Isaac and I usually spend time together, chat or watch tv together for awhile to unwind

11pm - bedtime for mommy and daddy - I usually write in my prayer journal at this time (Isaac takes longer to get ready than I do ;-)


*obviously in addition to the activities above we have the usual errands, homeschool field trips, class days, extra therapies or doc's appointments for Joe and/or Christine that take us out of the house and add to the chaos... but this outline is pretty normal non-busy day for us.

What is a day like in your life?


For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ... Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Personal Goals for 2012

Just need to be clear. This is not a list of New Year's resolutions. (I think I'm telling myself that more than I am telling you. ;-) I read this post from Money Saving Mom recently that got me thinking about my lack of real goal setting. So often I am just doing what I have to do to get through the day/week/month that I don't set a lot of personal goals.
It was really good to sit down and really think about what my priorities are, and what I want to accomplish this year within each priority area. I used the printable goal setting outline from MSM's post and came up with a few things for me to focus on this year. Here are a couple highlights from that list:

Priority: Strengthening Marriage
- pray and read the Bible together more
- be intentional about putting date nights on the calendar
- plan 2 or more overnight dates this year
- watch less tv together

Priority: Health & Fitness
- schedule gym time w/ workout buddy (Beth)
- use more healthy recipes and smoothies
- find more active family activities/outings

Priority: Time Management
- implement a doable cleaning schedule for the whole family (include more delegation)
- minimize tv/computer time
- regularly de-clutter
- play & read with the kids more


I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:14

Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. - Psalm 37:5

Keepin' It Real...

I have been told by people here and there that they think I have it together. I've gotten the impression from some friends that they think my house is always tidy and we eat homemade meals every day, that I happily do school, crafts and therapy with my kids every day... I am sorry but I must be giving off the wrong vibes because none of that is true.

I blog hop a lot and there have been several blogs and specific blog posts that have inspired me to be more transparent both in my blog "life" and my real life relationships. Kelle Hampton shares about the very special birth story of her daughter Nella (who has down syndrome). Lindsay at LeeLaLa shares the secret story of her past and an honest look at depression. Nichelle @ VintageWannaBee shares about life after her accident and her daily struggles during recovery. Ellen @ Love That Max shares openly about life with her son Max, who has Cerebral Palsy. Here is the post about his birth. Ashley of Little Miss Momma shares about living with her very personal secret here and here.

Obviously there is a part of me (and maybe everyone) that wants to look like I have it all together. That I can do it all with a joyful spirit and never get weary or lose my temper. But its not real. It is a lie. I do not want to be a liar. I want to be honest. I want to be sincere so that other people who have days when they feel like they are a failure, like life is overwhelming, like they want to trade their kids in for a better behaved set, like they want to smother their snoring husband in his sleep... so all those people (like me) know that they are not alone. None of us are alone. Because these women and others have been able to share difficult things in their lives I feel empowered to share some of mine. I'm gonna start with... I have days when:

I feel like everyone in my life deserves better than me...

I consciously eat my emotions... a lot...

I feel like God picked the wrong person for this job (my life)... that there are people out there who would totally do it better than I am...

I want to run away from home... seriously...

I avoid making new friends because I don't want to have explain about my kids' developmental delays...

I use the internet as an escape from my life, a tool to avoid dealing with my kids...

I wish Jesus would come back so I don't have to deal with the frustrations in my life anymore...

I feel like everything "wrong" in my life is punishment for something I've done (though I have no idea what that is.)...

I wonder if anyone would miss me if I was gone...

All of us do not share all of the same struggles but we do all struggle. And in that we can find commonality. We can find connections where there were none. We can build relationships in unexpected places. Find people who can relate, encourage and support us through the tough days and can rejoice and celebrate with us on the great days!

Out-of Control

So lately I have realized that my computer time has gotten out of control. I am wasting time on a number of websites when I could and should be doing more important things. I have considered deleting my account on facebook, and/or Pinterest... but I am sad to say I would probably find other ways to waste time online. So I have come up with a checklist of things I need to do before I allow myself any screen-time. I'm going to keep a timer on the desk next to the computer and use it to help limit my time online also.

Here is the checklist I'll be using.

Mom's Daily Checklist:

(complete before doing anything recreational)

__ Dress/Shower/Etc

__ Devotional/Read Bible/Quiet Time

__ Plan out day's events/meals/etc

__ Homeschool with Nate

__ PT/OT/VT/Speech therapy activities with Joe

__ PT/OT/VT/Speech therapy activities with Christine
__ Read book to kids

Obviously everyone's list would be different but feel free to use any part of this if you need a little help keeping your computer habit under control too. ;-)