Keepin' It Real...

I have been told by people here and there that they think I have it together. I've gotten the impression from some friends that they think my house is always tidy and we eat homemade meals every day, that I happily do school, crafts and therapy with my kids every day... I am sorry but I must be giving off the wrong vibes because none of that is true.

I blog hop a lot and there have been several blogs and specific blog posts that have inspired me to be more transparent both in my blog "life" and my real life relationships. Kelle Hampton shares about the very special birth story of her daughter Nella (who has down syndrome). Lindsay at LeeLaLa shares the secret story of her past and an honest look at depression. Nichelle @ VintageWannaBee shares about life after her accident and her daily struggles during recovery. Ellen @ Love That Max shares openly about life with her son Max, who has Cerebral Palsy. Here is the post about his birth. Ashley of Little Miss Momma shares about living with her very personal secret here and here.

Obviously there is a part of me (and maybe everyone) that wants to look like I have it all together. That I can do it all with a joyful spirit and never get weary or lose my temper. But its not real. It is a lie. I do not want to be a liar. I want to be honest. I want to be sincere so that other people who have days when they feel like they are a failure, like life is overwhelming, like they want to trade their kids in for a better behaved set, like they want to smother their snoring husband in his sleep... so all those people (like me) know that they are not alone. None of us are alone. Because these women and others have been able to share difficult things in their lives I feel empowered to share some of mine. I'm gonna start with... I have days when:

I feel like everyone in my life deserves better than me...

I consciously eat my emotions... a lot...

I feel like God picked the wrong person for this job (my life)... that there are people out there who would totally do it better than I am...

I want to run away from home... seriously...

I avoid making new friends because I don't want to have explain about my kids' developmental delays...

I use the internet as an escape from my life, a tool to avoid dealing with my kids...

I wish Jesus would come back so I don't have to deal with the frustrations in my life anymore...

I feel like everything "wrong" in my life is punishment for something I've done (though I have no idea what that is.)...

I wonder if anyone would miss me if I was gone...

All of us do not share all of the same struggles but we do all struggle. And in that we can find commonality. We can find connections where there were none. We can build relationships in unexpected places. Find people who can relate, encourage and support us through the tough days and can rejoice and celebrate with us on the great days!