Josiah had his 1yr appointment at our family doc's office today. Obviously he was concerned about the delays just like the rest of us. Basically he agreed with the steps we have taken (contacting First Steps, hopefully starting PT and DT therapy soon, getting hearing and vision tested soon) and with potentially seeing a neurologist (though there is some debate as to who to see). Also he found that the heart murmur that he had noticed before but didn't think much of in the beginning is still there. So he wants us to get an ultrasound to check that out. Later today I heard from one of the therapists we chose and she hadn't seem Joe's paperwork so she asked a bunch of questions that we've already been over many times. It stirred up feelings that had kind of settled down over the last couple of weeks. While nothing really new was brought up I just feel drained from everything thats been going on and am overwhelmed. I want to know that everything will be fine. I don't want to feel so helpless and out of control. My head hurts from thinking too much, my eyes hurt from crying too much and my heart hurts from worrying too much.
Sometimes I wish we could pack the boys up and go to a beach somewhere and just relax. Really relax. Lay on the beach, play in the surf, sleep in a bed that someone else will make, eat on dishes that someone else will wash, lay on the beach some more... far away from my house that needs cleaned.... far away from all the worries that I let myself get consumed with... far away from un-answerable questions from well meaning friends and family... far far away.