Monday, July 21, 2008

Swimsuit Sorrows

I myself have recently gone through the "torture" of bathing suit shopping. If you are looking for a cute but modest bathing suit here is a link that gives several websites that sell modest trendy clothes. On a funny note: a friend sent me this story as a forward. I don't know who to give credit to but its darn funny and I can totally relate to it. Enjoy!


> My Bathing Suit
>
> When I was a child in the 1950s the bathing suit for the mature figure
> was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered.
> They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
>
> Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a
> figure carved from a potato chip.
>
> The mature woman has a choice...she can either go up front to the
> maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming
> away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia
> or she can wander around every run of the mill department store
> trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer
> range of florescent rubber bands.
>
> What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice
> and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
>
> The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the
> stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed,
> I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which
> give the added bonus that, if you manage to actually lever yourself into
> one, you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe
> at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought
> my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in
> place, I gasped in horror - my boobs had disappeared!
>
> Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took
> a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my 7th
> rib. The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The
> mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest
> like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward
> the mirror to take a full view assessment.
>
> The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bits
> of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top,
> bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
>
> As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
> prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh,
> there you are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.
>
> I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.
> I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking
> tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized
> napkin in a serving ring.
>
> I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills and
> came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a bad day.
>
> I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
> mourning.
>
> I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would
> have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
>
> Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shorts
> style bottom and a loose blouse-type top.
>
> It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My
> ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured. When I got home, I found a
> label which read --'Material might become transparent in water.'
>
> So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water
> this year and I'm there too .. I'll be the one in cut off jeans and a
> t-shirt!
>
> You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time.
> I hope I didn't go through all this for nothing.



2 comments:

Posmena Sales said...

Here is a link for very modest swimsuits

- modestswimsuits.co.uk


Big Doofus said...

It's odd that we both posted about bathing suits on the same day. Do we get a prize from blogspot for that?